I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
