What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
