shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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