You're so nebulous sometimes
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
