So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
