i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
