The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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