I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
