We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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