We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I should be sponsored by Trojan
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
