she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
