Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
