went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Naked Twister starts at high noon
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
