In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
