new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
