I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize
