we have officially lost it.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
