I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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