omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
