the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
