Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
