How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
