Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I love you.
Bad choice
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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