At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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