apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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