Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
it hurts more in the daytime
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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