So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
