my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
3 2 1 whiskey
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
