Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
