I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
