So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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