well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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