Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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