i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
