And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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