I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
