I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
