omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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