Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
