fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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