I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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