Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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