I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
