I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
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she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
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He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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