y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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