Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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