they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
