I bet he comes in French.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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