i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
