1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
