I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
