I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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