there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
