allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
