I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
