you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Someone signed my nipple.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
