Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
