I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
