My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
