Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I lost the right to judge tonight
You ate ashes out of my bong
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
