then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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