My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
