The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize