seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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