When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
