I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
