Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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