yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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