the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
