Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
